I’m tired.

I’ve been doing things simply because I wanted them to be finished - or I wanted them to be succesful. I should use a different word instead of “want”, but I don’t know a better word for that. I mean the forcing kind of want.

Take for example painting. I wanted to make a painting, simply because I knew it was on the previous times it was exciting, learned a lot from it, have something to show, etc. I wanted that again. I forced it. So I tried to make a painting again, even though I was tired and didn’t feel like it at all.

This of course, doesn’t work. Sure, I have a painting that’s almost finished, but was it fun? Did it made me feel good? No. It did not.

I did this with multiple things. Programming, painting, other things.

This made me tired. I guess it’s paying it’s toll now.

It’s really frustrating when you want to feel like doing the things you “want”.

I find this really hard to explain this feeling to you, but I hope you can understand a little bit of it.